my body-story...
I have always been aware of my body. Too aware.
Big, tall, curvy... An ex-partner even said once that my feet are "large in size" to "meet" his dad's expectations... MY feet! My beautiful feet, my vehicle to stay stable on Earth! ...All words from the surroundings felt more like judgments than descriptions.
After 2012 I became "heavier" than before, just "different"... No more light and skinny, no more fitting in ANY dress. My moods would shift with the fit of a dress; a zipper not closing could ruin an entire day. I learned early that there was a right way to look, a better version of myself that I was supposed to be chasing. And no matter how I tried, I never quite arrived.
The world didn’t help. Partners, friends, even well-meaning family members—there was always a subtle suggestion. Maybe try this sport? Maybe cut back a little? You’d feel so much better if you just… The words were gentle, but the message was sharp: You should take up less space.
I resisted myself. Resisted the body that carried me, that connected me to the generations before me—the women who stood strong, who built homes, who were pillars in their family... The curves I tried to shrink were the curves of my ancestors, the same ones that made them powerful, resilient, breathtaking. And here I was, trying to erase them.
But then, I moved. Not to change. Not to shrink. Not to fit. I moved because my body wanted to. I let go of control, let go of the rules, and for the first time, I felt free. Not smaller. Not tighter. Just me.
That’s when I saw the lie. The lie that some bodies are more worthy than others. That beauty is a single, narrow path. That movement belongs only to the perfect.
The truth? Every body is meant to move. Every body is beautiful in its own rhythm, its own language. And the moment I stopped resisting myself, I finally saw what had been there all along. I was never too much. I was never not enough. I was always just right.
You are too!
..Oh, and my feet? - Still large in size, and beautiful! I've learnt that I don’t need anyone’s approval, or even feet, to move with power